![]() “All right, fine, but you’re still going to lose your cell phone for 48 hours.” Don’t get sucked into an argument when your teen says, “I don’t care,” because that argument brings you down to his level-and that’s what he’s looking for. In my opinion, you have to be like that police officer when giving your child a consequence. He’ll simply hand you the ticket and walk away. Have a good day.” He won’t argue with you. And if you say, “I don’t care,” he’ll say, “Well, here you go, sir. You may shrug and say, “Whatever,” to the police officer when he pulls you over, but that won’t stop him from giving you that ticket. ![]() The consequence for not following the speed limit is that you might get a speeding ticket. A consequence is not designed to make your child say, “I’m sorry, Mom, I was wrong.” Rather, it’s there to help your child change his behavior. To put it another way, if you’re looking for your child to surrender, forget about it. If your child can stop you in your tracks by saying “I don’t care,” you’re giving him way too much power. Don’t put so much weight on making him “hurt” that you’re not thinking about trying to get your child to learn a new behavior. In fact, I think trying to get your child to care is a misdirected goal. Instead, I think you should focus on what you want your child to learn from the consequence-not whether or not he’s going to care. Personally, I don’t think parents should worry too much when their child appears not to be affected. Their sense of self almost requires them to respond by shrugging and saying, “Whatever,” simply in order to feel in control again.įocus on what you want your child to learn from the consequence-not whether or not he’s going to care. That’s because receiving a consequence makes kids feel powerless. When your child says, “I don’t care,” or seems unaffected when you give him a consequence, what he’s really saying is, “You can’t hurt me.” When kids are faced with something unpleasant, they’ll often act like it doesn’t matter to them. Does your child ignore every consequence you give him? James Lehman can help with 10 specific ways to make consequences work-even for the most resistant child.
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